Glitchy Chronicles
by grammaguy
Summary: In Brawl, during play one might be fortunate or unfortunate enough to encounter a glitch. The same is true with the Smashers, so how do they react when one decides to rear its ugly head? Series of oneshots.
1. Prologue

**I cannot believe it. I, Sir grammaguy, have decided to make a new story, when I have two other stories already months overdue for an update of some sort. What compelled me to remain silent those months? I blame laziness. But, alas, this is a new story, so either be happy and read on, roll your eyes and read on, or be bored and leave.**

**Anyway, this story is a unique collection of one-shots about the infamous glitches one can encounter while playing Super Smash Brothers: Brawl. I would have loved to write about the spectacular Black Hole glitch from Melee, but I have not the blessing of owning that game, so profuse apologies to Melee veterans. This here is just the prologue, but fear not, the next chapter is three quarters written already. Then again, I said that for Orbhunt and look what happened to that poor excuse for a story...**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own that Smash Bros. series or Nintendo. I own a copy of the game, though. Is that relevant?**

* * *

_Following the successfulness of Melee's grand tournaments, Smash host Master Hand was already envisioning a sequel to it. It was, of course, Brawl. However, this tournament was to have a few changes implemented to it. This meant an entirely new engine for the simulations used, but Master Hand did not tire, and began creating his new program._

_But alas, the public and the Smashers were impatient, and, demanding that his work was finished soon, Master Hand was forced to leave unchecked several bugs in his system. The glitches he had left behind were unlikely to be sparked during standard play, so surely they would be overlooked. Nobody would notice them._

_But were they so overlooked as he had hoped..?_

_Perhaps not._

_

* * *

_

**Well, I'd better get back to work and finish that first true chapter. I waste so much of my time these days.**

Signing off,  
grammaguy**  
**


	2. Gigglypuff!

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Smash Bros. series. I never have and most likely never will.**

**Okay, first chapter out just a few hours after the prologue. Am I overstressing myself? Hope not. Anyway, enjoy. Put a lot of work into this one.**

**

* * *

  
**

_Gigglypuff!_

_Starring Ike, Jigglypuff, Meta Knight, and Zelda_

"…and of course, Kirby decided to go and eat all of the jam doughnuts right in front of him! Yoshi didn't really take that too nicely and then the next thing I know, there's about a dozen plates flyin' right at me and Master Hand's going all over the place, trying to calm 'em down… oh, you should have seen it yourself, Zel! Me and Ness were killing ourselves laughing about it…"

Zelda quickly blinked the fatigue out of her eyesight a fraction of a second before her head hit the table, then rubbed her eyes blearily, earning a concerned glance from her bluenette friend sitting next to her.

"Hey, you okay?" Ike ventured, raising an eyebrow. "You don't look so good."

She sighed. "I was up much too late last night. You'd think that I was still ruling Hyrule from here, what with the amount of paperwork they send me…"

"Ah, forget about 'em!" Ike stood up from his chair to give her a clap on the back a little harder than she would have preferred. "They're asswipes, that's all! Don't sweat yourself!"

Zelda rolled her eyes. "You don't run a kingdom, Ike. You wouldn't understand."

"I run a mercenary unit. They're not so different." He leaned in closer to her ear. "Just try and enjoy yisself! You didn't come here to do paperwork, did you?"

She shook her head.

"There, see? Weren't so difficult! Just relax a little and take a break. That's my advice."

The princess smiled. "Alright. I'll try."

"Atta' girl." She pouted at the childish remark, but Ike had already turned to the clock fixed on the dining room wall. His brows rose. "Cor', is that the time already? Better get going, then!"

"You scheduled for a match? Who with?"

"Jiggs, Meta and Luigi, I think. Bridge of Eldin, two – no, three - minute time. Shouldn't be too difficult." He grinned widely at her. "Well, what're you gawking at? Come on! You've gotta' start to lighten up some!"

Zelda stood then, stretching her back out. "Oh, why not? Lead on."

* * *

_Okay, Ike. Smooth. Tough. Give them some whacks with Ragnell before moving in for the kill. Don't rush it too much…_

The mercenary and princess stepped into the Brawling Chamber. Half a dozen identical widescreens winked at them from various places in the room, soon to display half a dozen different viewpoints of the brawl. Meta Knight and Jigglypuff were already patiently waiting for the match to start in front of their respective teleporters. Said knight looked up at them as they entered.

"Ah, Ike," he greeted. "Master Hand has said he has changed the rules slightly."

"Really?" The swordsman took his position in front of the red teleporter whilst Zelda sat down in one of the viewing chairs. "What's up, then?"

Jigglypuff smiled faintly and waved a hand. "Oh, he's turned on the Smash Ball and a few other items. Nothing too serious."

_I can use Great Aether? Sweet!_ "Sure, okay, got it."

Meta Knight coughed. "Anyway, so how has it been going for you two, then? I hear there was an illegal brawl in the kitchen, and I've got a very suspicious feeling about who it was..."

He bluenette gave him a toothy grin. "Kirby and Yosh were arguing over what kind of icing to put on the cupcakes for tea. Kinda' pointless if you ask me. Why can't anyone see that vanilla is just tasteless? I'd go for strawberry any day."

"Oh, that was it?" Meta Knight rolled his eyes. "I really must teach that puffball how to control his temper someday."

"He's a good cook, dude! I love those walnut pancakes he makes for breakfast sometimes. With blueberry sauce."

Jigglypuff let out one of her high-pitched giggles. "Honestly, Ikey, I wonder sometimes how you keep your teeth in with all that sugar you eat. It's very poor for your body."

"What do you know? You're only a bag of gas!"

She glared at him with huge eyes. "Watch it, Bluey. Do you want me to tell Master Hand about what happened with the lawnmower?"

"Hey, if the scabbard fits…"

Luigi had chosen the time to enter the room at that point. The Mario brother waltzed into the room, blinked at the clock, which still said thirty seconds to go, and hurriedly took his place at the green teleporter.

"Run into trouble again, Luigi?" Jigglypuff dryly commented.

Luigi blinked at the question. "No. I was-a merely trying to clean up-a what was left of the kitchen."

Meta Knight made a movement that could have been compared to a nod. "Kirby sure can leave a wreck in his wake, hm?"

"Oh, no, not-a that accident. Wario challenged Dedede to an eating contest. It didn't really-a end well." Luigi frowned and grimaced briefly.

"Oh…"

"Ten!" the announcer's commanding voice boomed through the speakers. It was then that Ike noticed Zelda was missing from the room.

_Must've gone to get some sleep. Tch. I suppose that's Zelda when you need her…_

"Five!"

Ike popped his knuckle joints loudly as the scene shifted in a myriad of colours to the familiar hills and stonework of the Bridge of Eldin.

"Four!"

"Three!"

He gathered a deep breath…

"Two!"

…and yelled to his opposition…

"One!"

"Prepare yourself!"

"GO!"

* * *

As soon as the setting change finished, Jigglypuff wasted no time in locating herself. She was on the inner-left side of the bridge, just past the cracks where the bridge was scheduled to shatter due to King Bulbin. Ike was situated behind her, spouting his usual cheesy pick-up line of 'Prepare yourself!', with Meta Knight and Luigi straight ahead, with Meta Knight being closer.

"GO!"

She did a 180 on the spot to see Ike lunging for her, Ragnell held tightly behind him with both hands. Without missing a beat she sidestepped the attack easily, coming perilously close to the bridge edge, and before Ike could recuperate himself she had snatched a hank of his violet tunic and body slammed him back towards the left blast line.

The swordsman knew what was coming and rose to his feet on the spot, and took to the air, sword raised. Jigglypuff had barely managed to scoot herself sideways before Ragnell sliced through the air where she had been only a second before. She dropped height to Ike's level as the man's sword punched a crater in the stonework and stuck both of her feet out, catching him in the face and sending him head over heels closer to the blast line. The balloon then hit the floor again and pulled her foot back for a smash attack.

However, she was just about to release her kick when something hard and squealing smacked into her back and knocked her off balance. Luigi muttered a few colourful curses in Italian before pulling himself up to face Meta Knight, who had chased him across the bridge. She was about to turn to face Ike again when said swordsman suddenly bounded past her, headed for centre-stage. Irate at her lost opportunity, Jiggs rolled around Luigi – and a knight in the midst of a Mach Tornado – and was about to kick a smug-looking Ike in the face when he lashed out with a punch. His opponent stunned, he stepped forward and kicked her with a steel-capped boot before swinging Ragnell down, sending her flying straight into Meta Knight's attack.

She was whirled around as if in a wash-cycle before spat out again with incredible force. She caught a faint glimpse of a shimmering barrier when her body disintegrated into stardust, accompanied with a respectable explosion and a sound to match.

Jigglypuff, infuriated by the cheap KO, bounded off the revival platform just in time to hear Ike wail, "Kill stealer!" before pummelling him with a variety of aerial attacks again. She was never going to let him live that down.

* * *

Meta Knight, amused by the cheap KO, grabbed Luigi's nose and (ignoring the whining the plumber caused) spin-kicked him straight out of the arena, and the flash of light and sparkles more than confirmed his second knockout of the match.

Satisfied, he turned back towards centre field to see Ike being bombarded with a hail of kicks and head slams by an extremely irate-looking Jigglypuff. Feeling slightly sympathetic, Meta got a gliding head-start before smashing his foot into Ike's back, sending the bluenette piling into the balloon Pokemon like a living missile. Luigi had by then shot off his revival platform and while still airborne karate chopped Ike in the head before twisting and stomping Jigglypuff with both feet back towards the right area of the bridge.

Meta was about to do a triple slash on the flailing Ike above him when he suddenly felt the earth rock slightly. Turning, sure enough, there was King Bulbin, charging on his boar-like animal with a goblin ("Or was it Moblin?" he mused) struggling to keep up behind him. He transformed his cape into wings and started to lift himself upwards.

"No chance, mate!"

Meta's eyes didn't even have a chance to widen as Ike's sword came plunging down on top of him, smashing him back onto the floor. He spotted Ike just barely clearing Bulbin's animal before said creature ran him over, pounding him into the ground.

Meta picked himself up just in time to see an explosive barrel a few feet away from him burn away the last few centimetres of its fuse. He sighed.

"Oh, shi-"

* * *

'BOOM!' A thundering bang shook the ground, and Ike hurriedly jumped to avoid a Meta Knight skidding along the ground below him, and watched with a huge smirk as the puffball flew past the left blast line uttering an irritated cry as he did so.

_That makes it… tied 1 with Meta, right? And Jiggs and Luigi are -1 each._

Grinning, Ike turned to look at the two, engaged in a fierce aerial battle further on. Meta Knight dismounted the revival platform with a look of extreme ill-temper, and flapped a few times over the newly-made gap in the bridge before glaring at Ike.

"You'll pay for that," he muttered.

A clang of steel sounded later, and the two were locked in combat again.

* * *

"Stupid-" She punched Luigi in mid-air with a heavy fist.

"-little-" She followed with a double kick to the torso.

"-plumber..!" She finished with an uppercutting slap, sending the Italian sailing a few feet into the air above her. Annoyed, the man spun and stuck his boots out at her, knocking her away.

Jigglypuff was about to take to the air to start duelling again, when a blinding flash of light tore into her vision. Her green eyes widely hugely. In front of her, Luigi's appeared to have the reached the same conclusion.

"The Smash Ball...!" he murmured quietly, before making the mistake of turning around to find out where it was. Jiggly hurriedly snatched the back of his overalls before he could get away and suplexed him behind her. But instead of chasing him, she double-timed it for the Smash Ball, currently being harassed by Ike and Meta Knight on the other side of the gap.

'_Chink._' Ragnell came thundering down, but the Ball did not break.

'_Chink, chink, chink_.' Galaxia made three swift slashes, but surprisingly it still held as it boosted away, towards Jigglypuff.

Without wasting a second, she kicked the glowing ball with both feet.

* * *

Meta Knight watched helplessly as Jigglypuff shattered the Ball, setting her features aflame with a yellow aura. He could have sworn her face melded into the most demonic expression he had ever seen, amplified with the portal of twilight just whirling into existence above her.

_Get away!_ he mentally screamed at himself. However, he had barely managed to turn around before a golden metal sword impaled him in the face, launching him into the already expanding Jigglypuff. He propped himself up on top of her and spared a fraction of a second to leer back at Ike.

Said swordsman stuck up a middle finger at him, clearly irritated at the loss of chance for a Great Aether, before scooting away. Closing his eyes, Meta sighed for the second time in the match.

"Oh, shi-"

* * *

Ike, who had thrust Ragnell into the floor and turned around to watch the show, wasn't quite sure what happened next. Jigglypuff was about to reach the peak of her size and 'explode' as he put it, but instead of yelling her unintelligible cry (and having Meta Knight skyrocket up and away into Netherland), she suddenly snapped upwards, feet flailing and stars in her eyes. Meta, on top of her, was tossed off almost immediately, over to the other side of her, where Luigi was.

And then she landed. Surprising, there was no earth-shaking tremor when she hit the floor, even at her monstrous size. Ike just stared, slack-jawed.

_WTF?!_

_

* * *

  
_

"Ow…"

Jigglypuff pulled herself up with a degree of difficulty, wincing. The bridge had rematerialised itself with her inside it, interrupting her Final Smash.

As she stood, she instantly realised something was very, very wrong. The gate at the end of the bridge leading to the field seemed significantly smaller, and the bridge itself was barely wide enough for her to stand on. Looking down, she could see Ike, who was leaning against his sword, staring uncomprehendingly at her.

She swallowed. "Uh, Ike, why are you so small?" Her voice came out pathetically high for her size.

His eye twitched nervously and he did not answer.

Raising an eyebrow, Jigglypuff twirled around in the little room she had to see Meta Knight and Luigi also gawking at her. They were still very much the same size she remembered them to be. She glared down at them.

'What about you two, then?"

As with Ike, they didn't answer.

"Oi! Earth to Meta Knight and Luigi!"

Meta glanced hopefully at Luigi, but seeing as the green-clad person clearly did not intend to do anything, he appeared to pull what calm he had left and spoke. "I – _we_ – have no idea what happened, Jiggly."

"Hmph," she grunted. "Fine. I'll talk to Master Hand later."

"Excellent idea!" was just faintly heard as Ike butted in his approval.

She grinned devilishly. "What are you getting all hopeful about? The match is still going, and I'm two points behind both of you…" The three males all made unified squeaks of protest.

Meta Knight held up his hands futilely in a placating gesture. "Now, now, let's not get too hasty-"

He was interrupted with a gigantic foot colliding with his mask. There was a fraction of a second of silence, then Meta Knight went roaring over Luigi's head and into the blast line, followed with the usual explosion of red and orange sparkles. The plumber lost it right then and there, wailing and flinging his arms all over the place as the giantess Jigglypuff closed in on him. She grinned.

Today was a very, very good day.

* * *

Zelda had briefly gone to get a drink from the kitchens, and came back in holding a pleasantly refreshing cup of tea. Taking a sip, she sat down where she had before and looked at the screens of the battle.

It quickly turned into a stare as she saw a mega-sized Jigglypuff racing over the bridge, and roundhouse-kicking an unfortunate Ike who happened to be in the way with a massive foot. The swordsman just managed to holler an insult at the puffball before blowing up in the column of pixels.

Zelda blinked, looked down at her cup, stared at the screen some more, and then stood and walked straight out of the chamber for her room.

Less than a minute later, when a satisfied Jigglypuff, insane Luigi, stoic Meta Knight and thoroughly dishevelled Ike exited the teleporters, the princess was sound asleep in her bed.

* * *

**There's a light in the sky! Oh, wait, that's just Luigi getting Star KO'd. Never mind.**

**I'll give you a taste of my overwhelming technical skills and tell you why Bowser does not have the same result when he does his Final Smash in this level. Unlike Jigglypuff, Bowser does not change size - rather, his growing in size is purely an animation**,** which explains why you have no resistance when you try and walk through him. With Jiggly, she does change in size, which also explains players' inability to get into her while she is growing - there is a clipping code in place which would never work if the growing was just an animation.**

**Lecture over, tell me what you think! Review, please!**

Signing off,  
grammaguy


	3. Earthquake Warning

**DISCLAIMER: I never have and never will own the Smash Bros. Series.**

**Crikey. I actually got myself to write the second chapter? The world must be going through a dimensional shift or something... but whatever! Today's glitch will be about the almost-as-popular-as-the-gigglypuff-glitch, the Earthquake glitch. I am telling the truth about _where_ this can be done. Really. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

_E-e-e-a-a-a-r-r-r-t-t-t-h-q-u-u-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e!_

_Starring Pit, Snake, and Toon Link  
_

The hot earthy smell of cinnamon cookies fiercely teased Toon Link's nostrils, causing him to drool slightly over the prospect of more goodies to eat.

_Love Peach's cooking…_

The midget version of the Hero of Time quickly sneaked a look round the kitchen door. There were the cookies, fresh out the oven, desperately pleading for him to just snatch one off the counter before making a break for his room, where he was safe. Peach was dressed in her usual cooking attire of an apron with bunny-covered gloves. Said princess was facing away from him, humming a happy tune to herself while deftly cutting up the onions to go with the day's supper of roast lamb.

_Tiptoe in, quietly, grab a cookie and tiptoe out, then scram… okay, I can do this… __**quietly**__…_

However, the youth had barely taken three steps inside the kitchen before Peach whirled around to face him, a stern expression on her face. Toon Link froze in mid-step, his eye twitching in pure overwhelming shock.

She wagged a finger while marching forward and grabbing him by the wrist. "Oh, no you don't, you rascal! After I had last week's batch of baking stolen by some unseen thief I've been a lot more careful about who gets in here!"

"MY COOKIES!" the boy screamed, holding out a short arm as if to wrest one of the savoury foods off the tray by the force of sheer will. But Peach wasn't having any of it. She pulled him straight out of the kitchen and out into the hallway, stopping in front of the Dinner Register tacked up on the opposite wall. Toon Link watched, terrified, as she produced a permanent marker seemingly from nowhere and hovered it just above his name, all the while grinning demonically.

"Please-o-please-o-please-o-please don't!" he wailed.

She tutted and shook her head. "Looks like there'll be one less mouth to feed at eating times, hmm?"

"DON'T!" he squealed pathetically. "I'll do anything! Anything! Just don't cross me out!"

Peach turned to him, her eyes narrowed but her mouth smiling. "_Any_thing?"

He paused as he reconsidered. "Well, maybe not _any_thing, but-"

The marker pen inched closer to the 'T' on the list…

"AAARRRGGGHHH! ALRIGHT, ANYTHING!"

She nodded, looking extremely satisfied, and the marker pen vanished into thin air. "Excellent. Glad that we reached an agreement so easily."

She released her iron grip on his wrist, and the boy crashed to the floor, panting heavily and sweat pouring down the sides of his face. Peach was nodding, understanding.

"You'll get used to, it, I know it!" she said enthusiastically. Then her expression became one of thoughtfulness. "But before you go anywhere else, I'll need to get you some proper clothes…"

"Huh?" He blinked at her. "Clothes? Wha for?"

She grinned at him again. "Well, you _did_ say-"

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Crazy Hand's creaky voice blurted through the speakers suddenly, causing the Hero of Time to jump in fright. "Will the mini Link, Snaky, the Pit of Doom and the pink marshmallow please head to the Brawling Chamber for your next match! Thank you and have a happy Halloween!" The speakers then emitted a burst of static before falling silent again.

_Mini Link? Oh, t-that's me…_

"Oi." He turned to see Peach regarding him through slitted eyes. "I want to see you after the match, got that? I'll be in the kitchen."

Toon Link swallowed, but it was soon smothered by the fact that his doom was postponed for a while longer. "Erm… yeah, got it…"

* * *

A stealth suit-clad man with a greying handband encircling his cranium stepped into the Brawling Chamber, nearly treading on a living pink vacuum in the process.

"Poyo!"

"Whatever," Snake grumbled as he took position by the yellow teleporter, ignoring the hurt look he received from Kirby for his comment. The aging man glared daggers at the clock, which was just grinding its way past the two-minute-to-go mark. The hands seemed to be moving at snail's pace compared to just a few minutes ago, when he had been merely quietly observing the day go by in his trademark cardboard box.

"Poyo! Poy, poyo, poy, poy, poyo!" Kirby elaborated, now with a bit more force in his voice than usual.

Snake changed his glare to a dry look as he turned to Kirby. "Hey, kid, I don't speak baby-talk, so cut the cra-"

"POYO!" the puffball interrupted fiercely, clearly irked at Snake's language. "Poyo, poy-poy, poyo poyo!"

"Rating? Fanfiction? What the heck are you talking about?"

They were cut off just then when Toon Link made a great show of strolling into the room at that point. "Whassup in here, then?" he called, in a stereotypical gangster voice.

It was met with a yawn from Snake and an irritated look from Kirby, who had taken to leaning against the wall of his red teleporter. The man observed the youngling with a bored expression. "Just get to yer' place and shut up."

The twelve year-old pouted at him, but decided to remain silent as he trodded over to the green teleporter.

Another minute ground by in tense silence before Toon Link refused to remain silent any longer, which didn't really surprise Snake.

"Where the fu-"

"Poyo!"

"_Heck_ - is that stupid angel?"

Snake cast a glance at him. "If he ain't here, we start without him, kid. Get used to it."

Toon Link stomped a size 4 foot on the ground. "But Pit's always fun to be around…"

"Who's fun to be around?"

"Eh?" Heads turned to see the captain of the guard of Angel Land just entering the room. The mini Hero of Time at once started flailing his arms, and opened his mouth to say something, but Snake cut in before him.

"Well, speak of the devil," he commented drily.

Pit glowered at him. "That's not funny."

"Oh, but it is. You're an angel, see, and I just called you a hellspawn."

"I know. It isn't funny to me because I'm the one who's the butt of the joke."

Toon Link took the fraction of a second's pause to interject. "What took you so long?!"

"Oh, that?" Pit asked, as he glanced up at the clock and stood inside the blue teleporter. "There was this argument between Ike and Jigglypuff, see. Something messed up happened in their match a couple of weeks ago and someone brought it up again. Fascinating stuff, actually."

"You mean you wasted a minute solving an argument when you could've been talking to me?" Toon Link exploded.

The angel smiled. "I wouldn't call it wasted. Ike just added about ten or so new curse words to my extensive abuse dictionary…"

The midget's eyes widened, then he nodded. "Fair point."

"Ten!" the announcer's commanding voice boomed through the speakers.

Snake casually pulled his Cypher out and quickly inspected it, and finding it was up to standards, packed it away again.

"Five!"

Pit polished his Mirror Shield.

"Four!"

The scenery shifted to a dark cave, its lower recesses churning with acid. In the distance, Snake could see the bulbous organism that he had heard Samus once refer to as 'Mother Brain'. He gagged at the revolting smell filling the cavern.

"Three!"

Toon Link was calmly rolling his neck around on the platform opposite him, Pit was looking around, just below the youth, probably attempting to gauge his first move during the Brawl, and Kirby was above Snake on the topmost platform, staring around in childish wonder…

"Two!"

Pit ran a hand through his chocolate hair. "Best foot forward, then, I always say!"

"One!"

Snake's hand twitched nervously.

"GO!"

* * *

"GO!"

No sooner had the word been half-said before Pit sprung into action, pirouetting on the spot, leaping upwards with a flap of his wings before spinning his bow around in a tight circle, catching Toon Link unawares. He was juggled around between the blades and then launched out away from the stage. More than annoyed at the quick loss of domination the boy spun his sword around himself, dodging a light arrow fired at him, gained altitude and grabbed the ledge. Pit jumped back as the boy slashed his Master Sword in front of him as he hauled himself up.

The angel dashed forward, his sword raised, but Toon Link was already working at full steam, and rolled behind him. Before Pit could finish turning to face him he felt the sting of sharp metal collide with his hip, and reflexively held an arm out, luckily catching the fleshy columns holding up the platforms. He spared a glance back - Toon Link was nowhere to be seen, but now Snake and Kirby had battled their way towards the middle of the field, with the puffball now sporting a headband and facial hair to match.

"Heads up!"

Pit's gaze darted straight up to see Toon Link in a half-crouch, his sword pointing directly downwards and descending at an alarming speed. Without thinking, he threw himself backwards, collapsing on his wings just as Toon Link impaled the ground where he had been not a second before. Grimacing in pain, he did not manage to get in a hit before the boy had yanked his sword out of the ground and jumped onto one of the platforms. Pit's sword neatly severed the fleshy stalks instead, causing it to rapidly swing upwards, catching the small kid by surprise and flinging him off the stage again. Oddly, he heard Kirby's voice, getting more and more distant.

Then, without warning, a grey boot impacted between his shoulder blades.

* * *

_Aw for crying out loud!_

What was this? Knock The Midget Away Day? Toon Link fired his Hookshot out of its holster and pulled himself up again when it latched onto the edge. Luckily, Pit seemed too preoccupied with battling Snake than chasing him again.

_Eh? Where's Kirby?_

He was hit right then and there in the back of the head with a foot that could have been mistaken for a mattress. The Hero of Time fell forwards, unbalanced, as Kirby began his assault again, kicking him twice in the face before landing and giving a flurry of punches. Then Kirby pulled his foot back before lunging and whining what sounded like a 'Twoh!"

The force of the blow sent Toon Link wailing away into the left of the stage screaming vulgar words at his assailant, which Kirby masked with a series of high-volume 'Poyo's.

* * *

"And I though Kirby was supposed to be the higher in the tiers," Snake muttered uncharacteristically. Which was true. Pit was somewhere around 17th, and Kirby was apparently 13th.*

The adolescent was definitely putting up a stronger fight than the puffball, whom Snake had KO'd not too long ago. He was interrupting just about every one of Snake's CQC moves with those damn swords of his…

A squeal and a muffled curse words exploding near his ear quickly told him that Toon Link had just flown past and had been KO'd by Kirby, making it with Snake in the lead, Kirby and Pit tied for second with zero, and Toon Link with -1. The only problem was that he was at high damage…

The soldier smashed his knee forward in an attempt to hit Pit, but the angel smoothly sidestepped and rolled around him. Snake didn't even bother turning around and felt Pit's bow slash from one shoulder blade to his hip, then again with the other, sending him powerfully towards the left blast line. He came dangerously close, but he painstakingly halted his flight and jumped. There was still fight left in him.

His eyes narrowed as he saw Kirby hovering up above the left platform, waiting for him to approach. Without stopping his movement towards the platform, Snake fast fell and snatched the edge of the stage below the platform, giving him a shield against any possible Stone attacks, and climbed back onto the field. What he had not seen, however, was Pit, who was gliding along the floor at full speed towards him. The angel sliced a blade along Snake's feet, instantly launching him upwards. Kirby, seeing his chance, transformed into a 100t weight and dropped alarmingly fast, hitting Snake on the head and blasting him away.

The last thing he saw was Kirby's motionless form sliding down the tilted platform before he disintegrated into countless little particles.

* * *

Pit had just managed to snap his lithe form backwards away from the ledge, when abruptly, the strangest grinding noise sounded, and then even more abruptly the stage began to vibrate – a lot.

"Eu-wha? Oof!"

Completely unable to stand, the angel fell over onto his rump and bounced humorously along the floor several times. What the hell was going on?

It was then he noticed a storm of stars erupting out of something unseen on the other side of the platform, as well as a ferocious tornado of dust. Just barely clambering to his feet, he flared his wings out and lifted himself off the ground - which thankfully stopped the vibrating – to get a better look.

After settling into a hover, what he saw was almost beyond description. Kirby's Stone form of a 100t weight was right at the end of the ramp, tilting and righting itself in fast motion. The stars, he knew, were from landing, but why wasn't Kirby just staying there, or falling off?

"W-wha-a-a-at t-t-t-the _h-h-h-heck-k-k-k_ is g-g-g-going on n-n-n-n?!" demanded a voice behind him. Pit craned his neck around to see a highly unsteady Toon Link struggling to stay on two feet on the platform behind him. He smiled, and gestured towards Kirby. The midget gawked at the sight.

"W-w-w-w-hat t-t-t-the f-f-f-fu-" He conveniently fell over right then and there, magnificently faceplanting into the muck on the floor. Pit smacked a hand over his mouth to try and smother the chuckle that was forming there.

Then the vibrating stopped suddenly. Startled, the angel turned around to see Kirby shedding off the last few chunks of rock that he had been encased in, but the puffball was wearing an expression of confusion on his face.

"Poy..?" he started.

"I could ask you the same question," Pit remarked, amused.

The pink ball looked straight at him, his eyes knitted together. "Poyo poyo…" His eye suddenly widened, then he smiled. "Poyo! Poy poyo poy-poyo…"

Before Pit could make a reply, there was a terrific '_splurk'_ as Toon Link finally managed to rip his face from the mud's oppressive grip. The twelve year-old's front did not look so healthy. Sticky brown dirt clung to every feature on his face and dripped from his hair and what was once a pristine green Kokiri tunic was now no more than a gooey brown mess. This time, Pit could no longer resist the overwhelming urge to roar with laughter, and he did so with gusto. Behind him, Kirby had exploded into a similar bout of high-pitched giggles, and was rolling along the floor as well.

Toon Link glared icily at the two. The temperature of the room dropped a few degrees.

"Tell that stupid marshmallow," he said, through clenched teeth, "that I am going to utterly kick his _ass_ as soon as I can get myself cleaned up."

But it was ignored.

* * *

Solid Snake dropped from the revival platform to see a grime-covered Toon Link standing at the end of the platform, and, ringing with uncontrollable laughter, Pit and Kirby on the bottom and left platforms, respectively. The man alternated glances at the hysteric duo and the midget, finally settling with an incredulous look at Toon Link.

"What happened?" he asked, carefully.

Time seemed to slow as the boy ever-so-gratingly rotated to face him, his Master Sword almost squealing in his white-knuckled grip.

* * *

_I do not effing believe it._

After scraping off what was left of the mud from his tunic, Toon Link had taken two showers immediately afterwards, and even then, there was still the stench of something foul in it. He'd met up with Marth after the match and the prissy, sensitive Altean had almost fainted from that alone.

And very soon after that, Samus had approached and said something about helping with her brand of grime remover, but he had been far too furious to listen to her.

He stomped very loudly through the corridors, which had earned him some very distasteful looks from the other Smashers he had passed. He really needed some Red Bull…

"Young man, where do you think _you're_ going?"

_What now?_ Toon Link turned irritably to see the smiling face of Peach not ten centimetres away from his own. In her left hand she was holding a small crumpled apron.

His expression changed completely to one of forced innocence.

"Y-y-y-yes?" he choked out.

Peach pursed her delicate lips for a moment and her nose wrinkled. "Hmm. Something happened during the brawl, right?"

His relief was like a tsunami. "Eh, oh, there was this thing that happened with Kirby, see…"

"Ah." She quickly pulled him along back down the corridor. "Well, we'll soon see to that, won't we? And then we need to get you all dressed up…"

He frowned. "Dressed for what?"

She leaned down and grinned widely at him, brandishing her apron. "Our little agreement, remember?"

_W-W-WHAAAAAT?! OH, SHI-_

"There's much to do!" Peach interrupted his thoughts with a happy statement. "The icing on those cupcakes for dessert has to be done, I still have to get that potato salad finished, the breaded mushroom starter needs attending to… oh, and let's not forget the smoothies I promised I would make for Zelda…"

Toon Link's eyes bulged to the size of dinner plates as she continued with her extensive list. Then, he did the only thing he could think of to try and help it – he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Today was a very, very bad day.

* * *

***I will not hide the fact that I support the tiers. However, do not ever take this as a sign that the tiers must be followed if you want to win. If you don't like Meta Knight and prefer the mighty Captain Falcon, then go ahead. I myself main Bowser and Ganondorf despite their placement because they are the ones who I am best at. Look at Smash Wiki's page on the tier list if you want the SLAPAHO team's calculated opinion of it.**

**I am very mean to Toon Link, aren't I? Well, when much of the time you actually see them they are _over_using d-airs on Wi-Fi you'll soon see why. But then, a lot of people like T. Link, so I might get a few flames for this... but what the hell. Hit me if you want to.**

**I can't really give any sort of explanation for this one. Sure, shoot me for it but it's not going to change anything. BUT, if you do know why or think you know why, send me a PM and we can talk about it. I like technical conversations. ^_^**

Signing off,  
grammaguy


	4. Buzz Off

**Hmm. Quite a lengthy period of time it took for me to get this updated, eh? Meh. This one isn't as good as the other ones, I think, but hey, it's here, so...**

* * *

_Buzz Off!_

_Starring Ganondorf, Master Hand, Marth, and Ike_

Ganondorf watched, highly amused, as he saw Toon Link scurry between the kitchen and the storeroom nearby, obviously struggling to carry the enormous load of uncooked food he was handling. The King of Evil grinned.

"You appear to be having some problems, little one!" he called.

The boy spared a second to give him a murderous look, dragging his finger across his throat in a death-sentence. The older man simply laughed and continued on with his day, leaving the kid huffing with his face the colour of a thundercloud.

_The boy got what he deserved. I mean, Peach's cookery ought to be shared by everyone, not greedily hoarded. Mmm. Yes, that sounds excellent. I should say that at the next social gathering…_

Nodding sagely, he pushed open the door to the library, and his mouth dropped. He was greeted with a sight of chaos.

A blue blurry figure was blasting around the shelves, pulling off tomes and books of many different sizes in its slipstream. A giant penguin was hastily trying to stop the carnage, holding up mittened hands in a fruitless gesture, screaming at it and attempting to snatch the runaway blur when it passed too close, all missing and doing nothing to halt the mess. The penguin's face was a mask of worry. Watching the event with a little amusement was Ike, arms crossed, leaning against one of the shelves, Ragnell propped up beside him, and flicking his gaze over to wherever the blur was, though it was clearly quite a struggle to keep the thing in his eyesight.

Ganondorf stared at the scene for a second longer, before steeling his expression and marching over to Dedede, who had given up his vain tries at grabbing the offender and was swinging his hammer around instead. The King of Evil planted a hand on his shoulder and whirled the penguin around to face him.

"WHAT is going on here?!" Ganondorf demanded.

For a moment, Dedede's face was incredulous, mixed with a bit of fear, but then it was gone. He swept a hand at the wreckage angrily. "That furry little rodent came in 'ere, all swaggerin' an' stuff, and then he starts blowing everything up! I didn't do nothing!"

The Gerudo was sceptical at the King's description of the events, but he withheld it as he strode further in past one of the reading tables, carefully eyeing the hedgehog. Sonic made a mocking jeer at the warrior as he passed. Faster than the eye could see, Ganondorf shot a hand out, catching the mammal by the wrist and having him instantly go head over heels from the inertia. Without waiting for the hedgehog to recover from his pain, the Gerudo lifted him a good two feet off the ground, so that he was suddenly glaring at him eye to eye. Sonic gulped at the King's deadly serious expression.

"Uh…" he started uncomfortably, "It wasn't me."

Muttering darkly to himself, Ganondorf wrenched his opponent's arm behind his back and slammed him onto the floor, putting an armoured foot on him for good measure.

"You really are a pest, aren't you?" he said, ignoring his victim's pleas for mercy.

"It was him!" he sputtered, jabbing his free arm out to point at Dedede. "He started saying something about how he hated reading, and then I said I hated reading too, and then he started daring me and Ike to get rid of the books and everything else…" He trailed off into incomprehensible whimpering.

Ganon turned his icy glare to said King. "Is this true?"

"N-no!" he squeaked quickly. Much too quickly.

The Gerudo, fed up, snatched Sonic up by the arm again, and stomped over to the penguin, and before his eyes could widen Ganondorf had clamped his hand firmly over the King's forearm and was dragging him straight out of the library. The warrior abruptly stopped at the doorway and turned to glower at Ike, who had been watching the spectacle, quite pleased. The swordsman's brows rose.

"Did you take part in this?" Ganon asked bluntly.

Ike shook his head, brows still risen.

"Good." The Gerudo turned to leave again. "Now you can clean up the mess here."

Then he was gone, leaving a thunderstruck mercenary staring open-mouthed at the space where Ganondorf had been a few seconds ago.

* * *

"Bills, bills, bills, bills... oh, look, more bills. That'd be the bin, then…"

Master Hand carelessly tossed the small mountain of aforementioned useless pieces of paper into the already overstuffed container at his side.

"Invitation to a Halloween-style birthday party… hmm, must be for Crazy. Applications for the new recruited Smashers… second row, third column. I must remind myself to get that bus up and running again. R.O.B. can fix it or something. Sued for being a sexist jerk… more for the bin, then…"

The floating appendage was about to toss the sheet into the container like all the other worthless items when a knock on the door interrupted him. Humming nonchalantly, he called, "Come in!" and settled back into the seat.

The visitor was none other than Ganondorf, who had in his massive arms Sonic, and wincing from his vice-like grip behind him was King Dedede. Master Hand tilted slightly to the side in manner similar to how a wild animal would cock its head when it was interested in something.

The Gerudo frog-marched the duo into the room and regarded the Hand with a dry look. "Well? Aren't you supposed to ask something?"

Master Hand made a thumbs-up sign. "Excellent question. Am I, or am I not? Well, you could say-"

"Forget it then," the King of Evil grunted. "I've got two delinquents here that need taking care of."

He looked at them, a mix of sympathy and dismay inside him, though the threesome would never be able to see it. "What was it this time?"

"Ruining the library!" Ganondorf spat, shaking the two in his hands for good measure. "One would think that such valuable commodities would be respected! Is society today falling into anarchy, or am I missing something here?"

Sonic had the guts to mutter quietly, "Too slow is more like it," although sadly for him it was picked up, earning him a very disorienting position of being held upside-down.

Master Hand waved dismissively. "And what would you want me to do about it?"

The Gerudo glared at him. "Punish them, of course."

"Hmm." The Hand paced silently behind his desk for a moment, before stopping and pointing at the two troublemakers with both his middle and index fingers. "You two do realise the library is extremely expensive to run, yes?"

They nodded glumly.

"Excellent! Community service it is, then!"

The two seemed to accept their fates for a second, before humorously doing a double-take, gawking at the gloved figure. Master Hand ignored them, but regarded Ganondorf quizzically at his irritated expression.

"Is my punishment not to your liking?" he inquired politely.

The Gerudo rolled his eyes. "It is fine, but I was still expecting something for _me _to do. I was just getting ready to punish them myself when you did not seem so concerned."

"Ah!" Master Hand bobbed up and down. "Vigilante, eh? Very well then, you have my free permission to set up a Brawl with the two on 300% handicaps. As long as you wish."

The man's eyes widened for a second, before suddenly grinning evilly and dragging the wailing duo out of the doorway with him, shutting the door with a heavy 'thud' as he did so.

Master Hand sighed and looked down at the papers in his hand again.

"Sued for being a sexist jerk… wait, what?"

* * *

"Fatty, green teleporter, now. Rodent, yellow. Get a move on."

The two paused in their strides to shoot withering looks at him. Ganon shrugged their presence off his shoulders and walked over to the console at one end of the room for setting match rules, stabbing the touch screen impatiently.

_Hmm. King Dedede, 300%, Sonic 300%. Hit Ratio - why not? x1.5. Oh, this will be very satisfying…_

"Master Hand netted you a free bloodbath, then?" a sarcastic voice muttered. The King of Evil turned to see an annoyed-looking Ike entering the room, and clapped his hands together in amusement, saying, "Yes, actually. You came to watch?" But before Ike could say anything, Sonic butted in.

"Traitor!" he scowled at him. "You're as guilty as I am, but do _you_ get blamed for this? _Noooo…_"

The merc grinned widely at him, annoyance all but vanishing from his face. "I do hope you enjoy your community service!"

The hedgehog and penguin groaned, before Dedede pointed at the swordsman accusingly. "You just left us to rot 'n' die. Coward."

Ike bristled at the insult. "Do you want me to stick Ragnell up yours, or something?"

"I'd love to see you try!" The chubby king clearly hadn't quite realised what the mercenary had meant.

"Alrighty then!" Ike blue locks flared as he stomped over to the empty red teleporter.

Ganondorf sighed. "You're going in too, then?" he asked wearily.

The merc rolled his eyes, exasperated. Taking that as a yes, the Gerudo glanced back at the console again.

_Ike… we'll settle for 100%, then. No, 150%. Much better. The map…_

Tapping the 'Random' button, the engine selected the Corneria map. The timer in the corner started up at twenty seconds, and Ganondorf strode leisurely into the blue teleporter, and waited.

"Ten!" the announcer's commanding voice boomed through the speakers.

"Oh, and Ike?"

The swordsman leaned out of his teleporter to look at him. "Yeah?"

"Five!"

"You do realise you're on a handicap, right?"

Ike's eyes widened for a moment, then narrowed in anger. But before he could retort back, the room whirled in a multicolour kaleidoscope, and the mercenary was replaced by a wall of futuristic white metal. Ganondorf shook his head in annoyance.

_I can't tell what's going on up there…_

"Three!"

* * *

_That stupid backstabber! Now what?!_

"Two!"

Ike glanced around. He was at the bow of the Great Fox, with Sonic and Dedede a little further on, closer to the large vertical fin of the ship. Ganon, he assumed, was stuck behind it, as he was nowhere to be seen. He gathered a breath to himself.

"One!"

"Prepare yourself!"

"GO!"

Without thinking, Ike pulled his sword across his body to his side and lunged forward, hitting the penguin in front of him. Dedede was catapulted like a bronco into the upper blast line, and sailed away, wailing. Ike smiled grimly.

Meanwhile, Sonic had taken advantage of Ike's laggy finish and had scooted into his feet in ball form. The swordsman blasted upwards, missing the blast line by no more than a metre. He straightened himself in midair and leered down at the hedgehog, only to find to his dismay Sonic was already jumping up to meet him. Panicking, Ike thrust Ragnell straight down, and was relieved to hear a solid '_thud_' as his attack hit. The mammal meteored down onto the ship, leaving a sizable dent in the metal as he landed.

Ike's feet met the floor again just as Ganondorf had managed to get into the fight. He knew that despite being powerful, the Gerudo's attack speed was not much more impressive than a snail's. Trouble was, his fastest attack was still capable of KOing him all the same…

Ike snapped out of his reverie to see Sonic pulling himself up from the floor and King Dedede leaping off the revival platform to try and tackle Ganondorf. Briefly wondering how Dedede was intending to slow him at all, he banished the thought and swung his sword in a horizontal line, whacking the hedgehog with a blade of gold. The unseen crowd cheered as Sonic rocketed away, over the duelling kings and into the right blast line.

With a startling display of agility, the King of Dreamland sidestepped a palm strike by the King of Evil, and grabbed his side. Before Ganondorf could lift a leg to kick him, Dedede set him on the floor and hit him with his hammer in a golf-club-like fashion. The Gerudo sailed over the tip of the fin and vanished from sight.

The penguin just barely managed to turn around and raise his glowing red shield as Ike gatecrashed in, uppercutting Ragnell into the sphere of energy. The was a muffled crack of what sounded like glass, and Dedede was pushed backwards onto the slope of the rear fin.

Dropping his shield for a second, the King pulled his hammer back and held it parallel to the ground. Knowing he would extend it a huge distance and probably KO him with his handicap active, Ike rushed forwards hastily and grabbed the king, interrupting his tilt.

What happened next Ike would never forget.

Dedede seemed to be sucked forwards for a moment, before suddenly blurring incredibly, and it was all overlaid with a strange buzzing noise. The king's vibrating expression seemed surprised for a second, before vanishing to be replaced by one of complete gobsmacked incredulousness.

The swordsman's eye twitched and widened to dinner-plate size. What was even stranger was that the fine cloth he was holding on to was still perfectly still, as if nothing was happening. He couldn't even _feel_ Dedede as the king whirled around in front of him.

_Holy…_

_

* * *

_

… _hammer…_

The King of Evil pulled himself off the ground with a clear sign of rage, and then jumped up to exact revenge on Dedede.

Hauling his body up on top of the fin, he saw Dedede as its base, looking almost blurry. Ganondorf ran straight towards him, intending to shoulder barge him, but stopped, confused, as he heard the strangest kind of buzzing he had ever heard, even more so than that of the misshapen insects he had summoned sometimes during his battles with Link.

Glaring down at the back of Dedede's gown, he called out, "WHAT are you doing?"

The penguin did not answer. The buzzing noise continued incessantly.

"Answer me, or else I might Wizard's Foot you!"

This time, a reaction did occur, but it was Ike's head that strained to pop up above the king. The mercenary wore a highly embarrassed look.

Ganondorf's crow's feet deepened at him. "What ARE you doing?"

"C-come round to the side…" Ike stammered.

Frowning, the Gerudo slowly did so, observing the phenomena from the side. His eyes widened. He took two steps back, and then a third.

_Oh, no… it's finally happened…!_

Then he was struck with realisation as his foot stepped off the flat area atop the ship.

And he fell.

* * *

"Why, good day, Marth. Is there a problem?"

The prince ran a hand through his hair, a worried look on his face. "Bowser's scheming is getting out of hand, surely you can see that? Much of the time I see him he's plotting some sort of dire fate to impose on someone's belongings. Why aren't you stopping him?"

Master Hand sighed. "That lizard is formidable. I've directed several different punishments his way, but he just continues with it all. I really don't know how he does it, but… I can't think of anything else to do but put up with it. Do you understand?"

Marth bit his lower lip in disappointment. "Yes." Suddenly his eyes brightened. "Could we police him ourselves?"

The Hand made a swallowing noise, if that was possible. "W-well, I doubt that will wor-"

"MASTER HAND!"

Both gloved figure and exiled prince winced as their hearing systems were taxed profusely, but Ganondorf, seemingly oblivious to both, rushed in anyway. Part of Master Hand was grateful for the interruption, but there was a very foreboding feeling along with it…

The Gerudo king was panting heavily, and leaned over, hands on knees, trying to regain his breath. The Hand tried to regain his composure.

"Ganondorf Dragmire, I will _not_ have you ruining everyone's ears while you are in this mansion. That means no screaming. Now, what was it you wanted to speak about?"

The King of Evil glanced uneasily down at Marth, who blinked back innocently, and opened and shut his mouth several times before replying: "Do… do you have some sort of rule book here?"

Master Hand tilted. "Yes, but it will most likely be in the attic. I've already memorised all 313 pages of it, so I saw no need to keep it down here."

The Gerudo produced a slip of paper from his closed hand, and pulled it taut in front of the Hand. "You need to add this."

* * *

Marth watched the king snap the paper straight in full view of Master Hand. A few seconds later, said glove stiffened noticeably.

"Where," he began slowly, "did that happen?"

"Follow me," Ganondorf said hurriedly, dropping the slip on the carpet before running briskly down the hallway, Master Hand following suit.

The prince raised an eyebrow at the retreating backs of the two, but knelt down and craned his head to read the text on the sheet. Hastily scribbled on the note was a single line:

**No sex between different speceis! Penguins included**

**

* * *

**

**And there you have it. If you're confused about the last line there that Ganondorf wrote, do this yourself and slow down the time. I saw this on Youtube and people were commenting on how it LOOKED like Dedede was... eh, never mind. Not that it LOOKS like it to me, of course. But I thought, "Why not?"  
**

**Explanation? Simple. Dedede cannot fit the two positions he is supposed to be in - Ike's grab posture is at a different degree to what he _should _be on the terrain, because the fin slopes up at an angle. You can do this with a few other characters on different maps as well - I recall a Brawl against my sister (who was Peach) on the Halberd where Ganondorf went into a similar animation, albeit without the buzzing. Not sure what causes that sound actually, though it's just the grabbing noise repeated over and over.**

**Anyway, enough from me. Review, favourite, alert or do nothing and leave if you want. See ya!  
**

**Signing off,  
grammaguy**


	5. Black Holed Part 1

**Alright, who missed me? *no hands go up* Ehh... oh, I concede defeat... I am truly sorry for the wait...**

**But as for the chapter, today's your lucky day! I've scraped an excuse off the wall how the Smashers plan to return to Melee (temporarily), so glitches there are now available. The newcomers from Brawl are capable of going too, but likewise the veterans from Melee who did not make it, won't appear. Apologies for all the Melee fans put there. The glitch? Well, guess what the first one in the line up is. The title should be self-explanatory...**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**

* * *

  
**

_Black Holed - Part 1_

_Starring Sheik, Lucas, Peach and Fox_

Sheik wandered into the Brawling Chamber, and was greeted with the sight of Falco and Fox poring over something on the control panel on the other side of the room. The two were chatting excitedly, though (she noted with a little bit of wryness) there was also a hint of exasperation lacing it.

She stopped there, unsure of whether to stop and inquire what they were doing or roll her eyes and walk straight back out again. However, before she could make her decision, Fox chose that moment to glance back at the squeak of a foot hitting a tile and blinked at her.

Sheik inwardly cursed herself. Since when had she been so noisy? But once again Fox interrupted her by grinning widely and trotting over to clap her on the back, and saying, "Hey, Sheik! You know what we're doing?"

"I don't really want to know," she said quietly. Fox responded by grinning wider and pulling her over to the console, where Falco was still mulling over what she could now see as a small – what was it, they'd said? – 'computer chip' and how he was supposed to connect the wires snaking out of the terminal to it. The Sheikah had never quite gotten the hang of 'modern' technology.

"It's no fun if you don't guess!" Fox called loudly, dragging her out of her thoughts for the third time in a minute. She glared at him, now rather irate.

"Rigging it so you can win your next match against whoever," she guessed, not putting much effort into it. If Fox was as smart as he was supposed to be, then he would get the hint eventually.

The vixen nodded knowingly. "Well, that too, but what're we _really_ trying to do?"

"Hacking all items on. Or off."

"Uhhh… no."

"Trying to be Giga Bowser."

"Yuck! What goes _on_ in your mind?"

"Taunt to get your Final Smash?"

"We did that yesterday. One more go."

"… trying to be the Hulk."

He stared at her for a moment, then erupted into laughter. "Oh, that's a _good _one! I gotta' get Falco to try that with me!"

Stopping his gales suddenly, he was all business. "'Hem. No, we weren't trying to be Hulk, though that is an awesome idea. Actually, we were trying to go back to Melee's engine system."

Her eyes widened and she went slack-jawed, though her mouth guard prevented him from seeing the latter. He clearly registered her surprise, however, because he grinned again.

"I knew you'd be tempted! Oh, and Falco…"

The bird finally halted his musings to turn around, grumble something incoherent, and pull a tenner out of his jacket pocket, and stuffing it into Fox's outstretched hand before turning around to lean over the console again. The fox was smiling smugly.

"What's that about?" Sheik asked drearily, nodded slightly towards the note.

"What? Oh, that! Oh, you see, me, Peach, you and maybe Marth got nerfed _big time _when we came to Brawl, right? So, I had this bet with Falco that all those guys – or gals – would join us when they heard about it. Ten quid for me for every veteran that comes, ten quid for him if they can't or don't wanna'."

"I haven't offered to join you…" she noted.

Falco stopped his musings over the console a second time to face Fox again and fold out a wing, smiling profusely. "I'll have mah' money_ back_, please."

"Stupid pigeon…" said the mammal irritably as he handed the note back again.

"… but I'll join you anyway," Sheik finished.

Falco stared at her, shock registering on his face, but his expression darkened at Fox's now even smugger look. The avain thrust the paper back into Fox's hand and spun around to fiddle with the console, scheming darkly and murmuring death threats under his breath.

"One down, two to go. Thanks for the money," Fox seemed about to explode with smugness, before coughing and regaining his composure. Facing her again, he said, "Yeah, so we're going back to Melee. That means everything's back to what it was – L-cancels, wavedashing, SHFFLing, the works… hope you've remembered all that."

"Does Master Hand know about this?"

"Nope. I'm sure he wouldn't mind, though."

"I don't know…" Then she frowned. "Hang on. Someone's listening to us."

* * *

Lucas fidgeted nervously and tried to get his ear flat against the door without constantly hearing Ness' conspicuously loud breathing on his cheek. The red hat-capped boy glared at him.

"Stop being so loud!" he whispered hoarsely.

Lucas winced. "Well… aren't they going to hear that too?"

"It'll be your fault! You caused me to say it!" Ness' arguments were rather childish, even for his age. Lucas did not bother to point out that if Ness hadn't spoken, they wouldn't have been heard anyway, but he didn't want to ruin his friendship. The newcomer wasn't quite sure if Ness' eavesdropping skills were as good as he'd claimed them to be, though…

'They won't hear us," Ness interjected reassuringly.

Right on cue, the door they were leaning on suddenly swung on its hinges and fell inwards. The two boys, with nothing to balance them, fell with it. But before Lucas' head could meet the cold tiled floor of the Chamber, it impacted with something much softer and thinner, almost like a rod. Ness, sadly, had no such luck.

Propping himself up on his hands, with the terrifying realisation that he had landed on someone's right leg, the boy craned his neck painfully as high as he could go to meet eyes with none other than Sheik, who had one hand on the door handle and her head was inclined down at his own. Her uncovered red eye was locked menacingly on his own. It was _scary_.

Before he could swallow the huge lump in his throat and make a hurried apology, Sheik made a rare noise of amusement and cocked her head playfully. "You two are trying to eavesdrop on someone who does it all the time, you realise."

"It was Ness' idea!" he squeaked, springing up, panic stricken. "He heard you talking about Melee and how he'd really wanted to go back to it and then he started talking about Fox's infinites and how unfair it'd be if we all went back to it and how you were top tier and then he suggested we listen in on you and see if we could stop you somehow by seeing what you were talking about-"

He was stopped by Sheik, who leaned down and placed a delicate finger to his lips. He stopped suddenly, his heart pounding. The woman rolled her eyes at him, looking weary. "Alright, I get it. No need to asphyxiate yourself about it. I'm not going to punish you."

She released her finger. Lucas exhaled and inhaled explosively, panting from his over-exertion.

Ness' just managed to pull himself from his forced sleep and blinked groggily at the two. "Whuh? Whaddeye miss?"

The ninja swept around and held him up by the head. "You troublemaker. You were bad enough in Melee – there is absolutely no need to start spreading it to other people. Toon Link's already spent enough time with you."

"It was his idea!" Ness pointed a finger accusingly at Lucas, all drowsyNess (haha) gone.

"I'm not stupid. Your heart-rate increased and your pupils dilated. I know you're lying."

"Hey!" Lucas jumped at the sudden arrival of Fox from the back of the room, who he hadn't seen earlier. "What's going on here, then?"

Sheik glanced at him. "An eavesdropper. Of all things."

Fox tutted and frowned at Ness. "Oh, he's been doing it ever since the first tournament. You'll live with it eventually."

"You're just the same!" Ness shot back. "You're going back to Melee so that you can be top-tier again."

"No complaints with that," Fox replied, looking pleased. "And you don't want to go back because you would be exactly the same. What does it matter? The tournament's not going to go backwards, regardless of whether people want to or not. I'm only going for the nolstalgia – and the technical stuff. Not that you'd know."

"Of course I know," Ness scoffed, though there was the faintest hint of hesitance.

"Alright then! Tell me what hitstun and hitlag is." Fox was quite clearly enjoying his mental torture.

"Alright, I give!" Ness squeaked. "But seriously, who cares about that shi-"

"Oi." Sheik shook the boy, still confined in her grip. "This isn't rated K+ for nothing. No foul language."

Ness stared openly at her. "You're bonkers, woman."

"If you say so." She dropped the protesting kid on the floor unceremoniously and pushed him outside, shutting the door behind him.

Lucas sighed and scratched the back of his neck with a hand. "What is it with him?"

Fox shrugged and strode back to the couch in the observation part of the room, Sheik and Lucas following. The screens were showing, interestingly, the Melee stage selection screen. "Meh. Child's thing. Typical, isn't it? Nobody really cares about the new physics and everything, it's all about the winning."

"Hitstun and hitlag," Lucas murmured. "Isn't that when the victim and attacker freeze when they connect a powerful attack?"

"What?" Fox raised his eyebrows at him. "You know that stuff?"

The PSI boy nodded.

"Hmm. Alright then. Ten questions. Tell me what a L-cancel stands for."

Sheik shook her head. "That's Melee, Fox. You can't expect him to know that."

"Lag cancel."

Now it was Sheik's turn to raise her eyebrows at him. Lucas felt a twinge of pride at having surprised the two veterans.

"Okay, smarty pants. Koopa Hopping." Fox had crossed his arms and was smiling.

"Bowser double jumps, then uses his Flying Slam, and he can jump again without technically touching the ground."

"Hoy! This kid's good. Alright, Zap Jump."

Lucas grinned. "I use my midair jump, then PK Fire right after. I shoot upwards a lot higher than my usual jump."

"A cheap tactic at that… Cape Glide. And Cape Rape. That's two questions, by the way."

"Mario uses his Cape just before he goes off an edge, and he'll levitate out a good distance. And… uh, Cape Rape's when he uses his Cape on Meta Knight when he reappears after using Dimensional Cape… I think. He'll either go flying backwards in an arc or forwards incredibly fast."

"Shine spike."

"You jump off the edge and use your reflector. You'll semi-spike any opponent quite powerfully. At any percentage."

"Gee, thanks! Uhh… Jab Fake."

"You do the first one or two hits of your jab, then cancel it with your shield. Then you can do any other attack while the opponent's stunned."

"Meteor Smash."

"You knock an opponent straight down very quickly."

"Teching."

"You cancel landing lag when you hit the floor while tumbling. You'll do a handstand or something similar, and you're invincible while doing it."

"Last question… aha. Wavedashing."

Lucas shrugged. "You use an airdodge into the ground. You'll slide a good distance, which you can use for movement if your dash is slow and traction is low."

Fox clapped the boy on the back, grinning like a shark. Sheik's uncovered eye was narrowed slightly, but she was clearly impressed, and it was from amusement.

The vixen laughed. "Hey Falco! We got ourselves a child genius here!"

"Eh?" Falco's Brooklyn-like accent was a noticeable contrast to everyone else's. "Say that again?"

"I said, 'we've got a child genius here'. Geez! Where do you keep your ears?"

The bird looked up, a stoic expression on his face. "Trade secret, sorry. And the genius thing, it's, uhh, cool. Gimme' a hand here, will you? I can't get the blimmin' teleporters to work."

"Amateur," Lucas just heard Fox mutter. The mammal marched over to the panel, leaned over and resumed the same level of incoherent mumbling that he'd heard outside the door.

A fraction of a second later, the teleporters lit up with their respective colours. Fox straightened from his hunched position and glowered at Falco, a flabbergasted look on his features.

"Hey," Falco squeaked, holding his wings up in defence, "Don't kill me for that! That matter projector thing is complex!"

"You're off your game, Falco!" Fox admonished, shaking his head vigorously. "Are you losing your technical knowhow or something?"

"You're the one lower in the tiers," he countered. "Something must have gone wrong with you too, right?"

Fox raised a finger and opened his mouth to make a point, but then lowered it, looking sheepish. "That's a touchy subject."

"Ignoring Foxy," the bird started, now addressing Lucas and Sheik, "we can now go back to Melee's game system whenever we want. You wanna' go now, or what?"

Sheik immediately walked quickly into one teleporter, Falco and Fox shrugging and following as well. The three glanced at Lucas, who was still standing outside, biting his lip. Fox blinked and looked at Falco, Sheik, then back to Lucas. "Hey, kid, you don't wanna' come too?"

The boy shifted uneasily and bit his tongue lightly. "N-no, it's just that I'm not used to anything other than Brawl-"

"Silly!" Fox strode forward and wrapped his arms around him, steering him into the last empty teleporter. "You don't get anywhere in life if you don't get new experiences!"

Without waiting for a response from the kid, Fox spun around and went over to the console again, and pressed a button. Dashing back to his red teleporter, the doors closed on each and the light became blindingly bright, as it usually did.

* * *

"I'm sorry?" Marth seemed slightly skeptical.

"I said he's going back to Melee," Ness insisted.

Peach watched the dubious exchange with faint amusement, her hands clutched in front of her. Marth was biting his lower lip, obviously struggling to come to terms with what Ness was eagerly trying to get across. The conversation continued for a few tens of seconds more.

"So Fox is trying to go back to Melee's way? So what?" Marth was nodding very slowly.

"Don't you get it? If he does that he'll be top tier again…" Ness trailed off, realising stupidly what he was trying to get at.

The prince smiled. "Ness, there is no need to be stressed. Master Hand is not about to go back mid-tournament. What were you worried about anyway?"

"I think it was insecurity," Peach offered mildly, stepping forwards to join the duo.

Ness looked at her, miffed. "You were nerfed too. Why aren't either of you going?"

"Well, I'm fine right here," Marth stated confidently. "I don't really see the point in going back to a playstyle which I likely won't be using again. Do you see?"

Peach gave them both a dazzling smile. "What he said. And I have to cook sometimes, too, though Toon Link does some of that for me as well."

"Wait, Twink cooks?" Ness was disbelieving.

"Yes. And don't call people names," she scolded. "But he's actually quite good at it. He can make a chilli con carne without ruining the saucepans now, at least. And his noodles are quite the delicacy! I never thought adding hot dog sausages would be so tasty!"

Marth shook his head. "Those things are unhealthy for you, you know. I would much rather add some mussels and spring onions to it. Pleasantly chewy while still keeping that soy sauce flavour that I like about the dish."

"True, but seafood's expensive. Hot dog sausages are rather cheap for their quantity. And compared to other sausages, they've got a very smooth texture."

"Dude, aren't you supposed to, like, put HD sausages in a bun and put ketchup and mustard on it?"

Peach cocked her head. "You can go visit the lounge if you want HD. The TV's very good at displaying it."

Marth facepalmed. "Peach, my dear, that is terrible."

"Spur of the moment."

"Whatev'." Ness skipped away to the door. "I'm off to go play 'Splosion Man for a while."

Marth followed, his face brightening. "Have you defeated the first boss yet?"

"It's stupid! I keep getting hit by those stupid lasers and stupid missiles and that stupid flick…"

Peach waited until the two were out of earshot before putting the back of her hand to her chin and laughing delicately like she was renowned to do so.

_So Fox and co. are going back to Melee? Sounds interesting… but I have lunch to make now! I'll see if I can't join some time later this week…_

_

* * *

_

Fox shook his head to remove the dizziness he'd long since forgotten from Melee's teleporter system, the blurred scenery reforming itself into Hyrule Temple, unchanged since its inception.

Glancing down at his waist, he could see that his Reflector had vanished, which was good. Pulling out his blaster he could see as well that it was slightly bulkier, with a stronger but less efficient power source, meaning shots with more variation in damage but longer lasting overall. All he needed was some proof that the others had pulled through too…

Falco pulled himself up above the column in front of him, as close to a smile as he could get with a beak. He too appeared slightly less detailed than in Brawl, confirming that the softmod for Melee had worked.

"Feels good to be back again." Fox turned to see Sheik daintily observing three needles in her hand. Her body was much less feminine now, more muscular, and her lone red eye seemed a much deeper red than usual. Her braid was no longer there, replaced by the cropped blond hair fringing her head bandages.

The mammal grinned at her. "Too right! I feel like wavedashing all over again!"

"You do that." Sheik's voice had deepened faintly too, and it was laced with amusement. "I'm going to start practicing for a while."

He blinked. "Wait, you seen Lucas anywhere?"

"U-up here."

Sheik turned and both looked up to see said PSI boy hanging his head over the edge of the platform above. His head seemed much smaller than usual, and his hair appeared somewhat stiffer and less prominent.

"Get down from there," Sheik faked scolding. "Young children should stay away from ungrabbable ledges, you know!"

"Yes ma'am!" Fox wasn't quite sure if Lucas had gotten the joke, but the boy still lightly hovered down to more solid ground cushioned by PSI hexagons. After that the child looked around, frowning.

"It doesn't look any different…"

"'Course not!" Fox stepped around the Sheikah and knelt down to Lucas' eye level. "But things only _look _different."

The boy kicked the ground nervously. "So… h-how do you do wavedashing, then?"

Fox grinned. "Aight, let's start with the basic bits first. First, you gotta' short hop…"

* * *

**So, there you have it! This is only the first half of the epic glitch, however, so expect the real action to pop up next chappie. But enough talking from me, you've probably got things to do, so I'll waste your time no longer. See ya'll!**

**Signing off,  
grammaguy**


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